Doc Martian
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 Posted: Sat Jun 21, 2008 4:02 pm Post subject: my public pgp key |
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Version: 2.6.3ia
Charset: latin1
Comment: Processed with Enhanced PGPn123
i've been on a film-hiatus lately. like i find myself walking away in the
middle of them. the last one i walked away from was delaurentiis's conan the
barbarian. i think all i needed to see was the part where he falls
face-first into the porridge. cinema just doesn't get better than that. even
with bright and shiny things and 'wit' and 'inventiveness' schwarzzenegger
fallin' face first into the porridge. i mean does survive style 5+ top that?
really? i mean there's the yuk yuk yuk factor. and there's the just plain
yuk factor. and then there's the hip futuroid cognoscenti schwarzzenegger
will be governator someday splush in the porridge factor, and there's the
arte johnson factor. yup, the part where he falls off the bench. did you
ever wonder what that porridge was made of? i mean dude, it looked grey.
could the cast/crew have dropped something unwholesome in it? when conan's
head hit the bowl do you think he had flashes of survive style 5+ playing
through his head? no, you probably don't. but when you think about, about
all the shit that must be goin' through their fuckin' heads when they're
splushin' their head down in the porridge. it becomes not only a thespian
feat that they don't crack the fuck up all the time, but nooooooo you're a
punch out the camel kind of guy... cuz that's hipper n shit.... until you
remember that mako is doing a voice-over about the abenegativity of wealth
when conan's haid goes plush in the porridge. then you realize, that not
only is that scene in itself hipper than your entire dumb paku-san movie;
but that the amount of financing that went into your movie could have made 5
scenes where conan's haid goes plush in the porridge amidst a low-budget
swords and sorcery epic. that said? SHUT THE HELL UP! YOU GOT NUTHIN ON
PORRIDGE. NOT EVEN IF YOU DO KNOW EVERY STUPID NOIR MOVIE THAT EVER SUCKED
AWAY AN AFTERNOON ON TURNER MOVIE CLASSICS. PLUSH! IN THE PORRIDGE! VERSUS A
BUNCH OF HIP GENIUS FILM MAKER FUCKERS WITH TOO MUCH MONEY. MAKO. PORRIDGE.
GOVERNATOR. WEALTH. SPLUSH!
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