G Wiz
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 Posted: Fri Nov 07, 2008 4:52 am Post subject: OBAMA WHITE HOUSE SHOPPING LIST and Things To Do-Add Your Ow |
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OBAMA's WHITE HOUSE SHOPPING LIST and Things To Do:
Pickup Latest Greatest Hits by OBAMA Girl featuring:
"It's My Party and I'll Try If I Want To"
Clothes for Michelle from Wal-Mart (Hillary gets a discount so that'll be
good). No fancy dancy Saks 5th Ave Palin stuff here.
Tell Michelle she looks great every day even if she doesn't dress like Sara.
Sara still looks better in camo or bundled up in a bulky parka.
Obama's finally 'In The House'. Tell Michelle if she does her First Lady
duties like Hillary . . . 'She's Outa The House!'
And when she finally leaves the house, unlike Hillary and Bill, leave the
expensive furniture and accessories behind.
Send invitation cards to invite the old Democrat guard to come on board.
Get training videos of West Wing for the kids.
Have Geena Davis explain why 'Commander in Chief' failed and what she would
do for change in the White House.
Get Independence Day video for Mommy and Daddy Obama. Have Will Smith come
over to explain it.
Get some Doggie Du Du bags for the new addition to the family.
Order any and all tacky CNN Tee Shirts with OBAMA emblazoned on them. Pass
them out to the Secret Service Agents so we know who they are.
Get the yucky spandex cycling shorts for the yet to be purchased energy
efficient trike.
Two energy efficient gas guzzling Cadillacs. One Black and One White.
A tricked out GM Hummer for the weekend loaded with Kanye West tunes.
Hire and fire a security advisor that knows no more than was given to George
Bush. Better still. Hire the same one. If that doesn't work, hire the expert
Bill Maher.
Donate an Atlas and Encyclopedia Britannicas for the security advisor.
Hire 'Let's Make A Deal' Howie Mandel to replace Condoleezza Rice.
Hire Drew Carey to spin . . . Get it? SPIN . the wheel.
Hire Connie Rice as pianist for cocktail parties. Use a Yamaha piano.
Get a Mexican built American owned Fender Stratocaster guitar. George can
play it and Obama is replacing him, isn't he?
Replace the Springsteen record collection with music artists like the
Godfather of Soul James Brown, Michael Jackson, Quincy Jones, AC/DC,
Aerosmith, and The Beatles.
At the very least replace Springsteen with Koko Taylor and her great Chicago
Blues bros and sistas. Hire Paul Shaffer and Neil Young for unbiased
Canadian consultations and to introduce you to some music from up north. And
don't forget that movin' Southern Rock in your land.
Have a collection of Barbra Streisand. She's sure to show up. Misspell her
name wrong with an 'a' after the second 'b'. She'll come back with 'My Name
Is Barbra' of course. Just tell her you're new on the job.
Order a truckload of Presidential pens so that Banks can sign foreclosures.
Get the latest gaming computer to watch the Stock market tumble. Switch all
PCS over to Microsoft Vista as a thanks for Bill Gates' support. Run Vista
on Apples to thank Steve Jobs for his contributions. Tell them both that
sales will drop when Copyright protection is legislated.
Get a director's chair with the Obama name on it. Direct the movies being
made at the White House and impress Hollywood buddies. Look to Al Gore for
advice on this. Have one chair set aside for Michael Moore too.
While you have Moore with you, pick his brain to see how to use sound bites
to an advantage an tell him to shave if he comes to the Big House.
While you're at it, convert Michael Moore to be a bi-partisan. (Good luck.
There's no money for Michael in that).
Make every night Movie night at the White House; but No Blockbuster Arnold
Schwarzenegger or Sly Stallone movies are to be allowed. Bring back the Red
Fox show (I loved that).
Order a Super Dooper Large Deep Dish Chicago Style Pizza for the staff.
Watch out for a lump of Ohio coal for the Christmas Stocking.
Have the U.S. Army choir sing Kwanzaa tunes this year.
Receive a Bible from the Religious Right, A Torah from Israel, and the Quran
from the Middle East.
Invite Salman Rushdie for a briefing.
Have Salman bring Osama to the White House for Ramadan. Tell them the lines
are open for dialogue. Suggest Osama change his name to the more popular
name of Obama. That would be a good start in diplomacy.
Unfortunately, it is likely that Osama would turn the tables and suggest for
Barack to change his name to Osama where it is more popular in the cave
where Bin Laden lives.
Have some Russian Dressing on hand for meeting with President Medvedev and
his sidekick Putin. Get to know the Russian hockey players in the NHL.
Chinese Checkers is always good to have on hand to play games with President
Hu Jintao of China who is likely a mahjong expert on Xbox.
Cut Nasa's cost. Buy any leftover gear from China's last space endeavor.
Sell the space gear to India. Pay off the national debt with the proceeds.
Light the roof of the White House at Christmas. Put up a gaudy flashing
OBAMA neon sign from Vegas. This is to decorate and out do the neighbours
like Canada and Mexico. Make it big and bright enough for the world to see.
If the world can't locate it. Bring in Searchlights from Hollywood buddies.
Buy a big screen TV for Michelle to get the real news from 'The View'
everyday. And the Dr. Phil advice doesn't hurt either.
Buy a bitchin' foreign made Audio Video Home Theater big enough and good
enough to impress Spielberg. Buy a movie studio. That should do it.
Build a games room in the White House filled with Voting machines and
hanging chads. But don't have any rules! Hire Pamela Anderson (A Canuck) to
oversee if there is any cheating going on. As if she would know.
Tell Larry King he has to wear new braces if wants to come to the party.
Tell the FBI to check CNN out to see if they have the most trusted news
around. Shut 'em down with regulations if they don't.
Get enough sticky notes to keep Biden running around.
Pickup the Italian shoes - a gift from the cities of Chicago, New Jersey,
Detroit, Las Vegas, and LA. Scuff them up to look cheap.
Take 'Dancing With The Stars' dance lessons from expert Gerry Rice.
Have Simon Cowell show how to be an 'American Idol'.
Give Al Franken a backup job as White House Comedian with Joy Behar as
backup to Al.
Make sure that soldiers know the difference between Barack and Barrack(s).
Send Thank You cards when the benefits of the Bush term come through on the
Barack shift. Or sympathy cards when they don't.
4-8 years is a long time. Ask John McCain for more ideas and slogans.
Ask John to be a bi-partisan and have him come in to help clean up the pork
barrel spending and the corruption with a cooperative Obama Presidential pen
stroke.
Get a $30 gift certificate from Pant Suit Heaven for Hillary.
Get a lifetime gift certificate from Playboy and Pussy Cat Dolls for Bill
Clinton.
Send a set of Presidential cuff links to John McCain.
Present Daisy Air Rifles with customized Presidential seals to Cheney and
Palin. Ask them for lessons on how to shoot terrorists. This might be handy
in the future.
Learn how to fish- like all the Presidents before Barack.
Give a hand shake and the proverbial gold watch to George Bush.
Don't forget to take the glossy Black and White family photo with Oprah.
Commission a new 'Hail to the Chief' song. Chief' is politically incorrect.
Have Bob Dylan write it and have Aretha Franklin sing it.
Repaint the White House multi-colours. (Borrow Oprah's set designer ;-)
And last, but not least, take up an offer from Sara Palin to have the Barack
Obama family relax on an Alaska cruise.
There's a start . . . Add your own (from both sides, no doubt) Don't be
overly abusive and cruel. Have fun. |
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